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Part III Self-Forgiveness Process - Long Version

Chapters 14 through 20

Chapter 14 - Step 12. The Fusion of Personal Reality & Higher Self reality


Forgiver, now you are to return to the "place" of the personal self and sit down. Take enough time now to receive the forgiveness and love, and the symbol if there was one, and for letting it all come into your body, your feelings, and mind,

As in the Forgiveness-of-others process, you receive the healing love physically by inviting the love like a gentle, soothing, warm ray of light to the areas of your body wherever you have felt pain, tension, or disease, then smoothly overflowing it to the whole body. .Be aware of the wholeness and synthesis of the tiniest cells, the organs, the systems.

Imagine all the parts working together in a right and harmonious relationship. See your body healthy, engaged in some happy, useful service.

If you have a medical condition, and feel OK to do this, overflow this gentle healing love in a general way to others who have it also. Imagine the healing love circulating - both in you and to others.

If the Higher Self gave one, place the symbol somewhere appropriate. Let it "find its place" somewhere in your body. Note where it seems to go. Perhaps be prepared to make a sketch or painting of it later. Put that sketch where you can see it often. This can help to anchor the psychological energies carried by the symbol.

Now receive the healing of the emotional nature by again reviewing the pictures from the past and seeing the love flow into the person-you-were through the loving hands of the Higher Self. The Higher Self goes to the "you" in those pictures one by one. As a very loving pair of hands or loving being it draws you aside from the painful scenes to do this, holding you in the way you needed then, until it is all brought to peace, and you watch how gently it places the you-as-you-were-then back into the picture, back in the memory, healed.

Now receive the healing of the mind by accepting the cancellation of each of the old mind-sets that were blocking the flow of love and joy, and even more important, their replacement by the more positive ones offered by the Higher Self . To use the symbol of the jig-saw puzzle tilted off the tray, the pieces falling to the ground, separating, softening so they cannot go back the way they were, being cleansed before returning as fresh "mind-space", to be used with the wisdom and compassionate understanding of the Higher Self to create wiser patterns, can be very effective here. It represents old negative patterns of the mind being broken up, softened and cleansed before being returned to the personal self, with its free will, to be used by the mind to make wiser patterns. You are realigning your personality goals and attitudes with those of the highest levels of your consciousness.

See the new beliefs and patterns take up the shape of a SYMBOL that you are given by the Higher Self. This could be the same as the one already given or a new one for these beliefs. Imagine this SYMBOL going into your mind to continue its constructive work.

Let yourself realize that this Step is now complete. You are free to move on from these experiences. They need no longer condition your thinking or behavior in the future. You may even already experience a joyful sense of deep relief, or a release physically. You may want to send gratitude to your Higher Self, this part of your consciousness that has these possibilities stored within it, waiting for you to evoke them".

Many people can feel the energy shifts that occur in their bodies as they receive the love and forgiveness from the Higher Self, and a new sense of wonder at the beauty and complexity of themselves as a human being.

Chapter 15 - Step 13. Grounding: The “I Will” Statement

FORGIVER, say or write:

"I will to keep this change in me intact."

This is your commitment to vigilance , to keeping this wisdom and this learning, - and to using them in everyday life to remember (a) how to avoid similar errors and (b) how to think, feel, and act more lovingly, wisely, and with more inner strength, instead of the old patterns.

You may want to add a commitment to practicing each of the beneficial mind sets independently of the behavior of others or outer circumstances (Rukha: inner peace and restful poise even when harassed, Khooba: giving attention and energy to the good in self, others, and situations, Makikh: looking for the true needs of yourself and others, and trying to meet them, Abilii: looking for the errors in your mind and self-correcting joyfully, Kenoota: working towards what is fairest for all, Dadcean b'Libhoun: seeing the whole - the broad perspective and interconnectedness of everything.) We often need to re-mind ourselves of these!

To revise your knowledge of the Goodwill Patterns (described by the Aramaic words) link here to go to Patterns of Unconditional Love in Action - The Goodwill Patterns

Are you ready to go to the next step?

Chapter 16 - Step 14. Creating the Future Reality

GUIDE: "Future pace" yourself: Move into the future now, into some real-life situations. Imagine how you will now be as you act out of this new pattern - at work, at home, wherever, seeing yourself expressing this love, wisdom, and inner strength. See how your eyes look,... how you move,... how you now choose your words to speak, and how you might write. You no longer have any negative beliefs or patterns of reaction.

Do you like what you see? Enjoy this "new you" for a while and them merge with him(her). Some people like to do this by imagining their image coming back into them, others prefer to imagine "moving into" the image. Either way, become one with this "future you" and invite the image to go into your unconscious mind, to continue its constructive work for you. In this way you and your unconscious mind join in an increasingly constructive partnership.

This is an active, creative stage, imagining the future you as you design him/her. How did you like what you see? Are there any refinements you want to make?

Meditating upon, or drawing/painting the symbol and placing it where you can see it often, will reinforce the psychological energy it carries for you.

After doing the self-forgiveness process you may now find it easier to forgive any others whom before you found difficulty in forgiving.

Are you ready to go on to the next step?

Chapter 17 - Step 15. Checking for Completeness

You can check for completeness by either:

(i) By the way the you, the FORGIVER, feel.

(ii) By looking at your hand-writing. At times there is a marked difference between the handwriting of the forgiver when samples of the handwriting from the beginning and the end of the process are compared.

(iii) By the GUIDE, if there is one, muscle-testing you the FORGIVER as you say the phrases:

"I love myself. I love my body. I love my emotional nature. I love my mind."

"I love life. Life is a celebration!"

"I love what I do" (meaning "I can put Love into whatever I do.")

and finding how much the muscle power has increased.

(iv) You may often find that after a Self-forgiveness Process the Forgiveness has overflowed into many of the other relationships as demonstrated by the muscle-testing

If you do not feel that the process is complete, ask internally - what is missing? What else do I need to do?

Usually the answer will come to you quite quickly. It may be that only one particular incident has been omitted, and it comes to mind now. Process it.


1. CHECK YOUR WILLINGNESS TO RECEIVE: It may be that you are unwilling to receive the forgiveness - in which case you can ask forgiveness for being unwilling to receive the forgiveness! It is amazing what may be revealed to you as you process this and discover and heal the source of this.


It may be that there is someone else you need to forgive. Often I have witnessed someone starting out to do a forgiveness of self which only became complete when a forgiveness of another (usually an authority figure who betrayed them) was also carried out.

3. REVIEW THE SECTION ON OVERCOMING OBSTACLES. Link here to go to Overcoming Obstacles to the Forgiveness Process

Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others weave a tapestry together. As you weave these two, eventually you will complete your whole forgiveness agenda.

Chapter 18 - Step 16. Maintenance




" I WILL to keep this change in me intact."

The process is now complete. You affirm your intention to keep this new pattern, and energy will follow your thought. Naturally, things may happen in the future which you regret and may need to process, but the subsequent ones will be much easier and shorter than your first one.

This process is excellent to do at regular intervals - again it is really a matter of regular emotional and mental housecleaning. Residue in the form of regrets and negative beliefs accumulate over time and block our love for self and others. The SOONER they are removed from our systems the less toxic damage they will do.

Eventually you will find that the skills listed here as separate items will become second nature and flow easily, almost in your unconscious mind, just as any routine skill, like brushing your teeth, combing your hair... All you have to do is give it your attention once in a while.

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance

If you find this process useful, please consider expressing your gratitude by sending an anonymous donation or letter of gratitude to any person or organization that is working to create right human relationships.

Chapter 19 – The Most Common Obstacles to the Forgiveness Processes

Especially the Self-Forgiveness Process

There are four subpersonalities (the gang of four!) which if overdeveloped and unbalanced by their opposites in a person's psyche can cause difficulty. These are:-

The Inner Critic - Inner Saboteur - Inner Victim - Inner Depressor

Each is an expression of a time of an unmet need, usually in childhood - for love and approval, for security, for love and empowerment, for up-liftment and encouragement respectively. Sometimes, but less often, the Inner Distracter or Clown, and the Addict can also interfere.

The longer forgiveness processes as set out can usually take care of these obstacles, and help to heal them. You gradually climb above the limited perspectives of these subpersonalities, to the transpersonal level of your being. If you get stuck, go back to the values statement at the beginning, and you will access your higher will, enabling you to go on.

Approving of yourself for doing this work will start the flow of love and appreciation, as an antidote for excessive self-denigration. Realizing that you cannot grow without taking some risks will help to counteract the sabotaging inner voices.

Seeing how much you are suffering and recognizing that you don't want to go on doing that any more is important in setting aside the tendency to feel victimized or "poor me".

If you have difficulties that are not covered here, you may need to find someone who is skilled in guiding this process - but you will be surprised (a) how often you can solve the obstacle yourself with time and (b) how often people with little professional training can nevertheless guide this process once they have seen it done once or twice.

We need to become aware of and learn how to use all the 'levels' of our consciousness, - our personality. Our personality has many diverse parts: at one level the "subpersonalities" as they are called in psychosynthesis (these are like the players in an orchestra, or the actors in a play.

At the next level, there is our centre of conscious choice and will, the personal self. It is the agent of the Higher Self on earth (like the conductor of the orchestra or the director of the players).

Above all, we are to be in tune or contact with our Higher Self (which could be regarded as like the composer or author). It is the source within us of all the higher qualities, that are waiting to find expression in our everyday lives. The composer, conductor and players are partners , needing each other to express the music. The author, director and actors are partners , needing each other to create the drama.

The Higher Self and the parts of the personality are partners , and need each other to create our best life's work. The capacity to forgive, i.e. to cancel the conditions that are blocking the flow of love, now exists within you at this stage in the evolution of mankind, and it is one of the capacities we are to develop further.

When we love ourselves, others, and the Source of Life totally, independently of the behavior of others and outer circumstances, we fulfill a Natural Law known about and taught by the great sages and teachers of the past. We bring heaven to earth. We experience grace. Whenever we experience tension, stress/distress, dis-ease, unhappy relationships etc., it is a signal that we are not living in accordance with that law. It is a signal that we need to check our mind-processing, and practice forgiveness, to cancel whatever is causing the blocked love.

Just as it was necessary for man to master the laws of aerodynamics to extend beyond the limitations imposed by the laws of gravity, so it is necessary to master the laws of the mental and spiritual realms to extend beyond the limitations imposed by the laws of the physical and emotional realms.

It is essential to use the will to 'lift' to the mental and spiritual levels, rather than to continue to be "willed by" our reactions to our physical or emotional states, valid and to be honored as these may be. This is true 'strength' of will, and becomes 'good' will, or 'will-to-good'.

For more information about subpersonalities, look in Further Resources for books on psychosynthesis, especially

"What We May Be", by Pierro Ferrucci, "You're in Charge!" (A guide to becoming your own therapist) by Jeanette Rainwater, "Psychosynthesis" by Assagioli, "Psychosynthesis in Counseling" by Diana Whitmore

Chapter 20 - Self Forgiveness - A Summary

Your deepest values are your source of strength. Say:-

(a) "I value my healing - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual - more than ill-health in any of those areas."

(b) "I value compassionate self-forgiveness and joyful self-correction of the errors in my mind, to relieve my inner distress and get back on course for my life - more than continued guilt, self-criticism or any other form of self damage. Or:- More than continuing to feel false guilt." (if that applies)

(c) "I value establishing the flow of love and joy through me again - more than continuing its blockage any longer."

(d) "I value joy more than joylessness and regret, love more than bitterness, being well more than being ill, being creative more than being blocked, being dignified more than feeling worthless, Inner Peace more than irritation and imperil"...etc.

As personal self address your Higher Self:-

"Dear Higher Self, I ask forgiveness for...."

specify and record the errors in the mind or in behavior for which you are seeking forgiveness. Leave spaces for the preferences, next:-

"As I look back now, I see I would have preferred I had....."

outline the wiser, more loving options carries out with inner strength.

"I will to heal the effects of these incidents. I am tired of the pain and burden being caused. I am tired of feeling uncomfortable about this. I am choosing to be free again, and I ask for forgiveness to heal all this."

Move upwards physically, stand, on chair if need be. As Higher Self address your personal self:-

"Dear....(use your name).... I do forgive you and I really do love you. I understand how it was for you then. You did the best you could at the time. I love you just the same."

"In forgiving you I am now canceling the guilts and negative beliefs that got set in your mind at those times, blocking the flow of love." (Specify the negative conditions or beliefs and wiser more loving possibilities)

"I send you all love now, without conditions, to nurture you an your path through life."

Let the love flow through to the personality. Healing the Inner Child and Younger You Process. Is the personal self willing to receive the love and forgiveness? What is lacking to heal this block if it is present? The Higher Self shows the way - if truly invited in. Send symbol, gift, or idea for the personal self to use to help it at this time, if such is forthcoming. Honoring free will comes next:-

"I again give you responsibility for the way you lead your life."

Return to the earlier level, the "ordinary" world, and identify with the personal self. Receive the forgiveness and love, physically, emotionally, and mentally. The negatives are cancelled, the love-flow restored. Grounding is next:-

"I will to keep this change in me intact."

Gratitude. Sense of wholeness. Vigilance and future pacing the changes in daily life.

Continue to next section: Part III - Self-Forgiveness - Self 5

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