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Common 3

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Part I - Introductory Section: Maps and Tools

Chapter  4  - Part  2 of  2

Our primary love relationships

Are with the Source of Life, our Higher Self, our mother, our father, and our lower self. The quality of all our other relationships depends upon our experiences with and beliefs about these.

Test yourself as you say the following phrases:

1. "I love my mother" (note that if there is a natural mother, adopting mother, foster mother or surrogate mother, etc., these may have to be tested for in turn)

"My mother loves me"

"I am open to receive love from my mother"


2. "I love my father" (note that if there is a natural father, adopting father, foster father or sperm donor father, etc., these may have to be tested in turn)

"My father loves me"

"I am open to receive love from my father"


3. "I love my Higher Self"

(use the words Higher Self, Soul, Inner Self, Deep Self, True Self, Essence....make sure that you use whatever is the right word for you)

"My Higher Self loves me"

"I am open to receive love from my Higher Self".

4. "I love myself" (your everyday self)

If this is negative go on to test for

"I love my body".

"I love my emotional nature".

"I love my mind".

"I love what I do".


5. "I love God" (the Source of Life, the Ultimate Source, Creator, or whatever word is right for you)

"God loves me"

"I am open to receive love from God"

Record the result of each test with a Plus (+) or Minus (-) on the chart.

The importance of these tests is that a person with a stress in any of the Primary Love Relationship Tests usually has unconscious anger/resentment patterns that get activated in certain situations. The people with a large amount of stress showing with these tests tend to choose negative pathways in life more easily than the positive ones, thus sabotaging treatments for illness, or other moves towards better health, life expression, or relationships. Using the forgiveness process with respect to one's mother(s), father(s), self, and "God" or the Source of Life heals this, but the tendency to not complete the work keeps recurring until the Primary Love Relationships have been healed. That is why I now believe this is one of the most important physical signs in medicine.

I believe that a person with a decreased love flow in their primary love relationships is more vulnerable to environmental factors as well. Certain musical rhythms (hard rock) affect the brain rhythms and activate unconscious anger in most people. This surfacing of unconscious anger and destructive tendency may be one reason why violence or suicide appears to be commoner in association with such music than in association with classical music.

It is a matter for more research for us to find out how much inner strength and immunity a person can rebuild by healing the memory traces shown up by negative results in the Primary Love Relationships circle.

What do the Primary Love Relationships Circle results mean?

We might think of ourselves as looking out on the world through a "lens" made up of the circle of our primary love relationships

1. Our relationships to males and females, and to authority figures in general, can be "colored" by our experiences with our father and mother respectively, and our responses to items 1 & 2.

2. Our relationship to our potential and latent talents will be colored by our responses to item 3 - our relationship to Higher Self.

3. Our relationship to our bodies, minds, emotions, and "what we do" will be colored by our responses to item 4. "What you do" can subdivided. A number of activities can be tested separately - e.g. "I love being a....mother, secretary, singing, painting, running a business....etc". Total exhaustion may mean that the person tests weak for almost anything and rest and restoration of energy is vital. A lot of resentment may mean that the person cannot put love into anything they do, and forgiveness healing is vital. Testing weak for an occupation the person is in always needs attention - does it mean that the person is in the wrong occupation and needs to change it, or do they need to heal their emotional negativity before deciding?

4. Our relationship to life, to churches, organizations, authority, and much more will be colored by our attitude to "God" as shown in our responses to item 5.

5. Our "openness to receive" - our willingness to allow good into our life has a relationship to our core beliefs about whether we are loved by these primary figures, and our openness to receive love.

The Secondary Love Relationships

Ultimately these include all those of whom you are aware (even at a distance) or have ever known. You can make a list down the left-hand column of a series of pages, of all the significant people in your life suggested in the list below, (and the names by which you called them, if appropriate) and anyone else upon whom you wish to check your response (or use the chart above). Record next to them the results of muscle testing, using a plus + or minus - sign, (or if not able to use muscle testing, your inner feelings and reaction) as you say for each one the statement: "I love ....x.....". These can be summarized on the chart you are using to record your findings. You are simply searching for those which stress or weaken you.

For any that you test weak on, or feel a negative response, recall and record the incidents that caused or still cause you discomfort.

Example: You may find that on muscle testing, you discover a weak response, say, to "I love all my teachers". This will often very shortly be followed by an awareness of precisely who it was who disappointed you and towards whom you still bear an unhealed memory trace. You can narrow the search down by using "I love all my Primary school teachers". Then test for secondary school and tertiary teachers. Then test specifically naming those you still resent. Say you find three. Then you can recheck - "I love all the remaining teachers". Your body will remember - if there is still another one you will remain weak. If there are no more, you will become strong. Thus you eventually obtain a complete list in any category by a process of locating the area and then the people concerned.

In this way you develop a complete inventory of those against whom you still feel hurt and offended.

There is no need to be concerned by thoughts like "Oh my God, do I have so much work to do?" You can start to apply the Forgiveness Process with any of them. Take easy ones first till you master the process. Test after each process. If you have become strong, you may reasonably go on to the next person. In this way you will complete the whole lot. As they say in Africa "an ant can eat an elephant - one bite at a time". And in China "the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step". Relax, take your time, keep at it until it is complete, then you will reap the rewards.

If you do not test strong after doing a process, which you will be learning about later, then some aspect of that forgiveness process has not been done fully - it could be that just one step is incomplete. Most often it is because some important incident has not been included, some negative belief has not been unearthed, or some preference statement has not been made in the correct manner. You will discover more about this in the sections concerned with the processes. Nevertheless, this is excellent progress, because even a partial forgiveness is better than none, and usually soon after this discovery you find out what it was that still needs to be done. I have seen people complete their forgiveness of another person by doing the process several times - it was as if they could accept a certain percentage of healing into their bodies each time. So - they just repeated it until it became complete. Repetition is the mother of skill.

You actually learn more about the process of forgiveness if you do not succeed absolutely perfectly the first few times. It was in this way, through trial and error, that the processes were evolved - pieces were added when someone's forgiveness was not able to be completed without special attention to some detail. I would like to say that the process in its present form has not failed now for several years when each of the steps has been done adequately. Persistence is the key.

Another reason you may test weak after forgiveness of another person is if there is something you need to forgive yourself about in relation to that person. Therefore if you still test weak after you have finished the forgiveness process towards another, and can find no other reason for it, do the Self-forgiveness Process for any aspects of your own behavior towards that person or persons about which you still feel badly, or have negative beliefs. Forgiveness of others and forgiveness of Self can weave together.

Proceed to do the Forgiveness Process for ALL incidents you can recall where you felt hurt or disappointment, until you are clear. Test the list again. Eventually you will have completed you whole agenda!

If you have completed your forgiveness agenda, the previously stressed tests will all become strong. If not, search for other associated incidents, or incidents with people like the person you are forgiving, and process them. Record the date each one comes positive. Nurture yourself along the way and congratulate and encourage yourself a lot. Such a record can also be good to use to remind yourself, should you be tempted to take the forgiveness back later when you feel badly about something, that you do know how to free yourself of resentments and you can re-mind yourself of your loving nature much more quickly.

Your work is completed when the tests for all the people on your list becoming strong. Keep records of your progress, the dates the different tests became positive, and how your life changes as you do this work. Your emotions tell you when the flow of love is blocked, that is, they are sensitive ; physical events in your body, in the meridians and the nervous system also give you feedback through muscle testing or biofeedback instruments.

You are never out of relationship with anyone, even those who have died physically, for their memory lives on in your conscious or unconscious mind. The healing of memories is your responsibility, no one else can do it for you.

Here is a suggested list of people for you to consider, and become aware internally or muscle test for your response as you say the words: "I love ...x....."





(Step- or surrogate parents:




















adult (lecturers, professors)





"Special Loves":-




"Pet Hates, or Enemies":-




Sexual partner(s):-













Abusive people:

Those who have abused you, physically,

emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or ritually:-

Your body:-

My...... (name body parts, face,

breasts, legs, hands, eyes):-

Allergens :-

Organizations & groups:-




Government depts. in general

e.g. Accident Compensation Corporation, IRD, Insurance companies...or specific personnel within them:-

Doctors, Nurses, Health professionals:-

"People Who.........":-

Any others not mentioned in this list?:-


You will eventually realize that the Higher Self forgives the "subpersonalities", the "parts" which were unskilled, and brought one more or less unwittingly into error.

You can also notice that it is not necessary for someone to have done something definitely "wrong" for the forgiveness process to be applicable - only that what they did caused enough disappointment to block the flow of love and life energy.

Notice you could group these individuals into roughly three groups:

  • Those more powerful than you.

  • Those of equal power to you.

  • Those weaker then you.

You may be able to see a pattern of having troubles with one or two groups more than the other(s).

Love directed to those stronger than ourselves (authority figures) has the qualities of reverence, (trust, confidence, gratitude, and hero-worship); to those of equal strength, of the desire for mutual help; to those weaker than us, of benevolence, (tenderness, compassion, gentleness, protection).

Hate in these directions is different in quality too - namely fear, (treachery, vindictiveness, deceit, servility, cowardice, disobedience, revolt, revenge) towards those stronger; desire for mutual injury, - (combativeness, jealousy, insolence, aggressiveness, disrespect), between equals; scorn, (harshness, cruelty, oppression) to those weaker.

Can you discern what your patterns have been? Are there any connections you can make with your own childhood experiences of love and power?

Other Deep-Unconscious Discovery resources

Nowadays there are many resources for exploring deep unconscious process available to you. I personally have reservations about deep exploration methods which bring up unconscious material too abruptly unless the person knows how to move smoothly on to using a Forgiveness Process. You must also bear in mind the controversies that have developed about the so-called "false memory syndrome "and the difficulties of being sure that deeply buried unconscious material which is brought to the surface by methods of psychological exploration is "true" or not. My own experience in this area is that such material can still be processed using the Forgiveness Process, even so-called "past-life" material, and that this can be a very healing experience for the person concerned. The healing of such "memory traces" can be beneficial because for as long as they remain in the unconscious they can still adversely affect the person's physiology and life expression. We are all affected by the images we hold in our minds. However I am unwilling to state categorically that such memory traces are "true" in a legalistic sense. The forgiveness process is concerned with healing you, not with proving someone else is guilty.

I believe that it is safest for you, if you plan to explore your unconscious provided you do know beforehand how to do the Forgiveness Process and are willing to apply it for any traumas that are brought to light. I therefore usually coach a person in using the forgiveness process before doing any deep exploration of the unconscious. Once the person knows how to process traumatic material safely using the forgiveness process, I have found it is then easier to access previously unconscious material and easier to heal it.

If you cannot access deeply buried memories, and still believe they are there and need to be accessed, there are the following options open to you, and maybe others. [It can also be that the unconscious mind is unwilling to release them or the conscious mind is unwilling or unready to receive them. This must be respected. Sometimes the reason for this can be elucidated using muscle testing, but that is specialized work outside the scope of this program].

1. It may be possible to forgive your parents and yourself for "whatever it was before I can remember", and self-correct blocked love flow that way.

2. It may be possible to discover what the root-event(s) were by methods which involve regression, e.g. skilled hypnosis, Well Spring Alignment to music, auditing, or rebirthing, although the memory traces gained are rarely verifiable. Skill in dis-identification learned from psychosynthesis is a great help in this. Forgiveness is then used with the material gained.

3. It may also be possible to self-heal by using affirmations, which are used to impress your unconscious with the desired thought form, - repeatedly saying of "I love my Mother (Father, Self, Life)" etc., starts to move the chosen psychological energies, even if you experience your resistance to the words (the inner voice of "That's not true!") at first. Saying or writing the affirmation repeatedly may also bring to mind the incidents which need to be processed, and one's own inner responses and resistances to owning the desirable belief. Books such as those by Dr. Jerry Jampolsky, Louise Hay, Sondra Ray (and their source inspiration, The Course in Miracles), have helped many people with this kind of task.

4. You may need to undergo some form of nurturing "Re-mothering Experience" as outlined in John Diamond's monograph; "The Re-mothering Experience - How to Totally Love". Skilled rebirthing, a Well Springs Alignment to Music, a loving foot, head, or body massage, an experience of a really unconditionally loving therapist or person in your life can have a similar beneficial effect.

5. You may discover and set about doing that creative activity which heightens your life energy more than any other (what John Diamond has called your cantillatory activity. It could be singing, dancing, playing music, painting, sculpture, building, photography, poetry, or whatever you can put yourself "heart and soul" into). Then transpose this quality of energy to other activities in your life. See the other works of Dr. Diamond, - "The Life Energy in Music", "Life Energy Analysis - a way to cantillation" etc.

You may well need to consult an experienced guide for this deeper work, although you may be able to achieve it on your own. You have a right to seek out experiences of Unconditional Love, to be creative and to complete this Forgiveness work.

Lifting Life Energy first as preliminary to further healing work

In most private consultations, and especially with someone who has very low energy and low commitment, I often first try to enable them to correct any meridian imbalances revealed by a negative thymus and meridian tests as described in "Life Energy", by finding the appropriate meridian affirmation. And/or, I search for the Bach or other Flower Essence remedy which strengthens the negative Thymus test, and prescribe the appropriate Exercise for Developing a Desired Quality, which the individual will do for a week or so, as a first step. Muscle testing of meridians as described in Dr John Diamond's book "Life Energy" can also offer clues to the memory traces which are still affecting you adversely and which need to be healed. The use of these and some other more advanced forms of muscle testing will not be described on this website at this time - I may put a page into the program about these later.

Spiritual Healing, Esoteric Healing, or Prayer (depending upon the cultural beliefs of the person) can also provide the needed lift in Life Energy in a severely depleted person. I find that any or all of these can at times be needed to lift the person's life energy sufficiently to help them to make the decision to proceed and to make the forgiveness process easier.

But in a very committed person, simply doing the forgiveness processes can lift their life energy enough and such preliminary corrections may be unnecessary. This is the way I will perforce be working via this Internet information program, and here I must assume I am dealing with pretty committed people (if you are willing to read through all this!).

Continue to next section: Part I - Introductory Section - Maps & Tools - Common 4

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