Iloveulove is an informational site about unconditional love, forgiveness, relationships, and spirituality offering articles, books, and user forums

Forgiveness Process Article

Home Up Next

What's New
How To...
Site Map
Discussion Forums
Submit Your Work


by Dr. Guy A. Pettitt MA, MSE (Psych), MRCP, MRNZCGP

The Forgiveness Process is a FREELY MADE CHOICE AND DECISION to no longer continue to harm or punish yourself, nor to continue to diminish your overflowing love, joy or freedom because of the real or imagined wrongs done by others, or because of any outer circumstances. The Forgiveness Process is the CANCELLATION of all the conditions in you that are preventing the flow of love, joy and vitality through you, independently of the behavior of others or any circumstances.

The purpose of such a process is to heal the memories, the patterns of physical and emotional dysfunction, and the negative belief systems that were conceived at times of disappointment, criticism, hurt, abuse, loss, rejection, humiliation, abandonment and so on.... It is to set the forgiver free to move on from the effects of these. The flow of love through you is at risk of becoming blocked, and your health is at stake. It has been said: "One who hates another (blocks love) digs two graves". Forgiveness is a decision not to hurt ourselves for the wrongs done by others, or other circumstances. It is a decision to re-enter the flow of life. This is drawn from the version in Edith Stauffer's book "Unconditional Love and Forgiveness". This process can be done to forgive yourself and other people.

Step 1. "I choose to stop hurting myself for what (name of person) has done. (or, is doing)."

Step 2. Address the person in imagination - use a chair, cushion, or colored cloth to represent the person: "What you did made me feel.................. I would have preferred that you had said or done .................."

Step 3. "But you didn't do that. I don't want to hurt myself any more for what you have done. I'm tired of the discomfort I get from all this. I want to finish this now. I choose to heal this and let it go completely. I am choosing to be free of it."

Step 4. "I would have preferred that you had.............................., but you didn't do that and I cancel that expectation." (Repeat this for all expectations held). "I cancel all demands, expectations, and conditions that you do (or say or be) what I would have preferred in the past and now. I cancel the demand that you be any certain way. You are totally responsible for your actions. I give that responsibility back to you now (gesture), and I release you now to your own good."

Step 5. Close your eyes and raise your consciousness to the Higher Self. Imagine the love that the Higher Self had and has for you. Feel that compassion and love from the Higher Self; allow it to flow into you and release all the demands and conditions and expectations. Really feel the positive qualities of the Higher Self, that part of you that has protected you, loved you, and nurtured you all the days of your life.

Step 6. With eyes still closed, continue to feel the love from the Higher Self and now say to the person you are forgiving:-"I send this love out from my Higher Self to you just as you are and have been, and I release you to your highest good. "Feel this love flowing out from you to this person. Take your time to feel and experience this.

Step 7. Now be aware of your body and how it feels. Find out if you are still holding on to any demands that this person change in any way. If you do not feel release, repeat the process, - for each action you are holding against this person. Always examine your willingness to be free. If it feels blocked, ask within yourself: "Is something else blocking this process?" Usually an answer will come to you quickly, and you can proceed to process it. It may help to refer to the longer version for the greater detail and precision that is sometimes necessary. When you have done what you can, feel deep gratitude that you can feel love from your Higher Self and can send it out to the forgiven one. The relief will come. This exercise can be done often - for small hurts and for deep emotional trauma. It works any time we feel love is blocked. Repetition begins to make it "second nature" - a good habit, like washing dishes or cleaning teeth

Home Up Next

Feedback  -  Site Map  -  Search  - Forums

By purchasing your books or CDs at using our link, you will help support this website. Thank you!



\ Copyright 2002-2009 \
Last updated: 07/11/09

Hit Counter